Emptiness, Migraine, and Me

As part of our exploration of emptiness, the teachers at Drepung Loseling Monastery in Atlanta invite us to think about our self, asking such questions as, What is my self? Where is it located? Is it in my body? Is it in some part of my body, such as my hand? Is it in an organ, such as my liver, heart, or brain? I have found my self is elusive and impossible to locate. It seems devoid of any independent existence I can pin down.

So, you are wondering, what does this have to do with migraines? Well, I have had more migraine headaches than I would like during the last 6 months. I can usually tell when a migraine is coming on. I gain a couple of pounds overnight as my body retains fluid and waste. Sometimes I experience certain visual effects. Anxiety may go up, energy goes down. So in August, when I noticed these things happening, I chose to be very observant of the migraine process, from the view of emptiness of self. The first thing I noticed was that with emptiness of self, the pain was not a direct threat, insult, or injury to me, but merely an interesting phenomenon that depended on other circumstances for its existence. I began to note the chain of events leading up to the headache.

What I learned was that tightness in my shoulders was an important generator of the headaches. The tightness was somewhat related to stress and tension, but most of all it was sore muscles following my workouts at the gym. Second, I noticed that I was feeling thirsty. Very thirsty. So, based on this new awareness I did something different. I stopped my activity, took some Tylenol to ease the post workout muscle tightness, and sat down to relax. I gave my full attention to releasing the muscles in my shoulders, arms, and legs. A warm pack on my shoulders helped. And I drank water until I was no longer thirsty: two glasses, followed by another glass an hour later, and even more the next hour. I did not read, watch TV, or listen to music. I closed my eyes, put on my eye shades, and imagined my shoulders becoming soft and loose.

 I took these actions in a mildly detached way, not out of anxious desire to relieve the headache. This helped me stay calm as I put each different measure in practice. I was freed from the stress of hoping for a desired outcome. As I relaxed, I pondered the new (to me) idea that these things leading to a headache were not some terrible, awful, irritating development, but merely happenings in an interdependent chain of events unfolding according to the law of cause and effect.  I was merely substituting different elements in the chain of dependent arising. And the headache that was arising reversed its trajectory, and quietly faded away.

Ironic how becoming accustomed to thinking of my self as empty of independent existence has helped me develop better self-care. That is an outcome I was not expecting. Also, as I deepen my understanding of the ideas of emptiness and dependent arising, I experience more and more a sense of lightness and freedom that is quite pleasant, sometimes even blissful.

Lesson 10 million and 1, and counting: our mental attitudes have a profound effect on our sense of well-being!